Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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