Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
