She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
And then my night got REAL pukey
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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