So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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