We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
