I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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