There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
