After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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