I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
