I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
