Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
