if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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