she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
