He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
