everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
