3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
