Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
