cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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