Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
