please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
