ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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