She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
