She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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