I just saw a hot homeless man
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
