Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
