So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
