dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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