Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
