She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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