is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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