That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
