remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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