pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
