Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
