i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
