Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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