i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
