Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
