i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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