I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
