NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
