I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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