I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
