seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
