so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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