I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
