Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
