shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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