I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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