She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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