Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
