I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
