operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
