We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
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