Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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