idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
