PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
